Answer me something: If you’re one of these misled people who likes to think a certain machine at a certain casino theoretically (of course, that is ALWAYS the key word when talking about these fantasies) pays out a certain amount per hour because the pay table and all those fabulous slot club benefits add up to just over 100%, why is it that your crowd can’t ever seem to get the ACTUAL truth out about how much WAS LOST per hour after the casino visit was over?

No, no one loses all the time, but given that optimal play by definition requires players lose around 7 out of every 10 tries, I wonder why the LOSS is never associated with that “per hour” label. I mean, doesn’t it make a heck of a lot more sense to report actuals after the fact, than some made-up compilation of hopes and dreams beforehand? Can we imagine for a moment, a famous guru coming out and saying "I played with an edge today and I lost $26/hour, and I'm also in a royal drought to boot?" After all, some of the best minds in the game tell us that royals are a necessity of optimal play, because there is little to experience between their appearances than losing.

Over the years we’ve had to endure the writings of multiple famous names in the media as well as a host of others who post their words of wisdom all over the Internet, about their supposed video poker prowess. Much of this is entertaining and there is something to be learned IF you’re able to read between the lines. But you also have to be capable of ignoring the BS and see why it is these folks feel obligated to be throwing it around so loosely like that.

One of the more hilarious video poker topics to read about when you’re a consistently winning player who needs none of the slot club fluff to post a hefty profit year after year, is when the “experts” talk about “a play that is worth $45/hour” or something similar. They claim “playing with an edge” is what it’s all about when you’re an advantage player, yet they never seem to have an answer for – and remarkably, actually ignore the issue whenever it’s brought up – why it is that they are the main target of every promotion that’s ever been introduced by every casino!

If you read forums like vpFREE then you know what it’s like: Someone comes on and talks about how The Silverton (for example) is having 5X points tomorrow. Then some geek comes on and says that if they play a certain game at a certain denomination, with the promotion and other slot club benefits added in you’re looking at a 101.9% opportunity that’ll pay $38/hour to the optimal play experts! Of course, since it’s theoretically over 100% every local problem gambler - aka, “advantage player” - will instantly get sweaty palms and rearrange his or her schedule so they can get in on that action ASAP. And whenever I read these things I cannot help but feel sorry for the suckers who choose to get involved...not out of stupidity really, but out of sheer addiction to the poker machines.

So let’s take a look at this supposed $38/hour “opportunity”. What does that mean, and does it really pay that much to the player? If I go in and sit for 14 straight hours, will I really walk out of there with an extra $532 in my pockets? Not likely, in fact, most players end up losing much, much more than they would have, had there been no “very lucrative” promotion today. And regardless how many times or how much emphasis I continuously put on the truthful fact that only suckers get roped in to play these things, my words are no match at all for the compulsion to play the machines.

People like to believe they’re walking into a gig that’ll pay them X amount per hour, but all that is is probability theory and massive anticipation. Reality almost always gets the better of them. Hey – if it didn’t then would the local casinos continue to thrive? Naturally the AP’s put out that it’s “the other guys” who finance the casinos, yet they’re the ones the casino managers always reel in as the result of a pre-set plan – and a very good one at that. And you can actually VERIFY that on any of the video poker forums. Just watch the chatter after someone mentions this or that promotion, then count the ones who say they're going to rush out to play it as well as count those who say they are in p-a-i-n because they can’t be there. It is a study in Gamblers Anonymous.

The only time anyone can express a session of play in dollars per hour is AFTER the session is completed. That is actual reality folks, and it is as accurate as it gets. You play 5 hours and win a thousand dollars directly from the machine, then you’ve won $200/hour and that’s exactly what that particular play was worth. If you lost $1000 then your play was worth nothing, period, and you lost $200/hour. Slot club BS does not come into play when you’re an experienced, intelligent player who understands that titillating benefits only serve as a distraction to serious play.

I’ve had to laugh at some of the stuff I’ve been reading about on yet another of the forums. There’s one poster who calls himself “mickey crimm” - anonymous of course because most posters (especially on gambling-related boards) are liars and/or cowards – and he’s been giving his history of being a video poker player since sometime in the ‘90’s I’m guessing. One of the funny aspects of it is some of the posts appear to be written while on some kind of drinking binge.

It chronicles how he chases theoretical plays like the ones I’ve talked about above, and how people are supposed to believe that he makes some sort of living out of it. Yet the underlying theme that I get is that he’s a very lonely, very inexperienced and sad man at his advanced age. The picture he paints is one of a hitch hiking bum with a back pack whose life is worth a theoretical fifteen bucks an hour, with little or no family and little or no future. I see no mention of a pension, health insurance, 401k or anything that would give just about anyone something to look forward to. Yet to some of the posters who read this nonsense he is a gambling idol. God bless this world...

At the end of the day it’s up to you to figure out what makes sense and what doesn’t. I’ve been extremely successful in video poker because I’ve been able to sort through all the nonsense and have never been afraid to take on those who would otherwise poison the play of beginners and regulars alike. If you think that pretending to be making an hourly salary when playing the machines is for you, you have my sympathy. If, however, you’re able to use your head and ascertain that there is no salary UNTIL & AFTER you finish your session and IF you win, then you just may be on your way to a successful video poker future. It’s hard enough trying to figure your way around the casinos and the truth about the machines. If you also have to lie to yourself just so you can feel good about playing, you’re in serious trouble.